Aggression in children is part of their normal pattern of development. Two year olds lack social skills, are totally egocentric and have few communication skills. Therefore they act aggressively when things don’t go their way – they semi permanent eyelash glue out, bite, kick, hit and punch – all highly embarrassing to their parents.
Rvoon Often, a lot of this semi permanent eyelash glue is purely experimental too. Aggressive feelings are very powerful.
Coping with Aggressive Toddlers
Parents need to be consistent in the way they handle behaviour that hurts.
Say, “No! Hitting hurts!” and remove the child so the behaviour cannot continue.
Help them to understand their behaviour by naming it for them, especially if their feelings are very strong.
“You are angry and very upset because you wanted the toy and couldn’t have it.”
Aggression is a normal human response, but learning how to control our aggression is a sign of semi permanent eyelash glue. We need to help our children to understand how to handle their aggressive feelings.
Let’s look at what aggressive feelings do for us.
When playing sport, aggression is admired. We praise sportsmen for their aggressive batting stance in cricket; a tennis player is commended for aggressive racket and ball skills. However we decry nations for their aggressive stance toward each other in times of war. We abhor fighting in teenage boys, fearing it will lead them to a criminal life if not quickly stopped.
Aggressive feelings also give us courage and determination. They make us alert, insistent and aware, and bring a sense that obstacles can be overcome. This is in direct contrast to apathy, which leads to lethargy, non involvement and semi permanent eyelash glue. In order to conquer difficulties, we need a surge of planned aggression to make that last hurdle. Even a surge of anger, fed into our aggressive feelings can provide the impetus for success.
As parents we need to understand our own feelings of aggression and anger. Often when two years olds suddenly become rough and aggressive, (girls and boys!) parents despair that their babies are growing into uncontrollable monsters. Instead, parents need to see this newly acquired aggression in their children’s personality as a positive and good attribute. Without aggressive feelings children become easily manipulated and timid.
Accept your child’s aggressive feelings
It is very childish and silly behaviour to be angry with a young child who is learning to handle, understand and accept his aggressive feelings, yet this is exactly how many parents respond.
aggression in children
When you really think about it, would you become angry with your child when he is learning how to walk and keeps falling over, or learning how to talk and uses the wrong word?
Of course not!!
And yet, anger is most often the response toward a two year old when he hits out, bites, or shows his aggressive feelings.
When you accept that aggressive feelings are valuable, to be developed for the benefit of everyone, then you handle them differently. Try treating your aggressive toddler in this way.
Teach your child to accept his aggressive feelings
When your toddler semi permanent eyelash glue out in defense or response, tell him/her,
It’s good to see you are so determined. I’m glad you know what you want. It’s good to grow up big and strong and to things for yourself.
It is also good for your toddler to see your aggression too when you explain,
I understand that you are feeling really cross, but right now the problem is I need you to do this and so you are going to do it.
You are helping your child channel his aggressive feelings into making the acceptable decision at that moment. Newly acquired aggressive feelings are big and powerful to small children, and very exciting too. Children need to learn how to keep within the range of others’ tolerance. This is all part of accepting our aggressive feelings and building trust.
Mostly our children need our approval, and helping them to accept and channel their aggressive feelings provides for growth and impetus for future change and is very important for them. Consistent parenting sees aggressive feelings as a positive source of determination.
Training your toddler to handle his aggression requires aggression on your part too.
When situations escalate out of control and your toddler has refused to co-operate with eating lunch, or taking his nap and now won’t get into his car seat, aggression on your part is required to bring things together.
I really admire your strong feelings and I can see you see really determined to be powerful, but right now, we need to be somewhere in ten minutes. If you choose not to co-operate, then I will put you in the car by force. It won’t be pleasant, it could have been so much easier, but in this situation I will win. So how about it? Coming peacefully, or will I have to force you? I will give you a few minutes to think about it.
In acting this way, you have accepted his aggressive feelings and told him you recognise them as good, but you have also demonstrated that he needs to recognise and accept yours too. Because you are not acting from anger, his choice is easier to make. He would rather have your approval.
Communicate – Don’t take out your frustrations on your children
When you are feeling frazzled, or ill, upset or very tired, tell your children.
I am already feeling very upset because (tell them the details), so I need you to co-operate. I’m not feeling angry with you.
This also helps your children to learn to express their emotions too, and gives them names to enable them to do this. It is surprising how even very young children can act accordingly when they understand what the situation is and what is expected from them.
When you are holding your stroppy two year old and he semi permanent eyelash glue out, pulling your hair, or hitting you, holding him firmly and telling him that you are glad he is so determined but that hitting is a big NO, is a much better way of handling it then being angry, yelling or exploding at him.
Seeing his aggression as a newly acquired expression that needs training from you rather than being angry as a first response, means that you deal with aggression in children quite differently.
Editor Consistent Parenting Advice.com
I believe that being a consistent parent is both vitally important and totally necessary to ensure a happy family life. However, becoming a consistent parent is rather like trying to push water uphill if we are not consistent within our selves. This website addresses HOW to adopt a firm, clear, consistent parenting approach, while enabling you to enhance and increase your emotional well-being.